When the Darkness Hits…


From someone who has suffered from depression on and off in my life, I truly understand the battle I go through, specially when I have high moments of success, or when I go through a very emotional time. It always hits me, and I do not have any control over it. It is like driving suddenly to a long dark tunnel, and nothing seems clear. Going out with friend help but at the end when I arrive home, the darkness comes down again, and the wondering questions filled my mind.

There are times that life does not seem worth living, but then, suddenly I realized that I am still driving, and the end of the dark tunnel is coming to an end because I see the light. As soon as I am out, life shines again, and I have energy to keep moving, until I face the next tunnel.I believe depression happens a lot, and it is the best kept secret taboo, and stigma in our society, among organizers, pastors, students, and affects all nationalities, socio-economic status, religions, genders, and sexual identity.

There is one chapter in my life, that even though it happened almost 25 years ago, still takes me down on a spiral of emotions. People will say “Miguel do not live in the past, live in the now”, but when you regret something that bad, it is not as easy to face. The sadness gets real, and the hopelessness gets unbearable.

That is why for me to find a church family it is not only about going into organized religion, but to put my life under the guidance, grace and love of Christ, so that faith, and those who will live it, and walk with me in community it is so important. My brother Jose Maria Carpizo once said that “my faith sustained me”, and he is totally right. I have made the decision to not medicate myself because I do not want to suffer for all the side effects, so my faith, my friends, my therapist, writing about my life, being open and vulnerable, and now working out and taking care of myself are what helps me to keep moving forward.

If you do not understand depression, please watch this video and you will know more about it, and if you know someone who suffers for this illness, stop and listen, because the struggle is real. #OpenandVulnerable #DepressionisReal #StopandListen #RealFaith

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