Under the Sheets

In a very well known gay application, I found myself reading this profile, “Straight in the streets and homo in the sheets”. I was extremely upset when I saw this. Talk about living a double life, an easy life, and not paying the price of living real and vulnerable lives!

People will tell me that every person decided how to live their homosexuality, really?  May be I missed it, but when deceiving people became a good decision to do in our lives. When pretending to be one person in one place, and another totally different in another became the norm people live in this world?  Yes, people can decide to live their “homosexuality” the way they want it, wouldn’t they? Or are we living under these masks because we do not want to face rejection from the people we love?

I am not really sure about this, let’s think the other way around:  if a heterosexual man decides to hide his maleness from the society, is that really possible? Does this sound weird to you or am I the only one here who is just thinking way too much?

If people can decide when to be straight or gay, then indeed being homosexual is a decision, so if is a decision then I can change it and be just the way society wants me to be. If I had known this, I would have stayed as a pastor in the church preaching a great sermon Sunday morning and getting back with my loving boyfriend at night. Yes this is possible, when we do not want to make changes to the living conditions of others, or when we do not want to be part of the solution. This is possible when we want to live our own life on a self centred existence always making sure we lie to the correct person; so no one ever finds out about the wrong, the secret, and the shameful side of our life, inviting the impostor to dwell among ourselves.

So I can be this respectable and honourable man in the morning, someone everybody in the world of the light admires, and at night be myself, totally relax in the arms of the one I love, or just knowing that I can truly be who I am. This is a choice and it is respected.

But the one I have chosen is to be who I am in the morning, in the afternoon and at night, but that does not mean I need to tell everyone else about what happens in the intimate part of my life. But I do not want to hide either who I would love.

I am not saying we need to all come out in the middle of downtown and shout: We are Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, or Queer.  I know how difficult is to tell our families, friends, co-workers, and society in general, but who said that to have a full life in society with all our rights respected was going to be an easy thing to do.

No liberation is done by those hidings in their own caves, living at their own discretion; freedom comes when the one who has been oppressed have enough guts to come out of their caves, homes, closets, and protected lives into the open. When we are able to face life no matter what would happen, to be accepted for who we are, and whom we love. This has a price, and hiding does not help.

We have lost friends, families, jobs, spouses, salaries, homes, tranquility (if hiding provides that), security, or even our supposed “reputation” for the sake of true freedom and liberation for us and for others.

I want to be homo in the streets and homo in the sheets, and take the chance if I have to. I want my life as a Queer Latino to be the same here at work, or in my house. I have paid the price, and I want to keep paying it, the more the merrier like the famous southern phrase.  Harvey Milk said this not knowing that he was going to be killed by a gunshot: “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.”

It is time for liberation, for freedom and realness. I dream with the day that not knowing who you are would be the weirdest thing ever heard or seen.


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