Giving Birth to a New Passion

If we are to keep our democracy, there must be one commandment: “Thou shalt not ration justice.” -Sophocles


It totally broke my heart a comment I saw about the LGTBQ community over facebook. I do not know what is happening to me, but I started to get more defensive about comments I see or hear; may be because it took me so many years, tears, desperate moments, self-isolation, self-hatred, and many more feelings to come into my senses and be able to accept the fact that I needed to love myself the way I was created, and not what society wanted me to be or behave according to their religious and social moral.  I responded to the daughter of a friend when she said “I hate this gay school” asking her that if it would be the same to say: “I hate this girl school”? Of course she said no, and asked me for an apology. A week ago, another facebook friend, (by the way, not because we have so many friends in facebook it means that we are really friends. The meaning and deepness of this word has been totally changed and transformed to the point to be very superficial and meaningless), any way, this person sent me this message:

“I’m not judging. I don’t understand. If a man is a minister and a teacher among men they shouldn’t do everything in his power and will to please God? You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination. (NKJ, Leviticus 18:22)
I don’t expect an explanation but help me understand. I know that God created man for woman and woman for man. So how can someone confuse this? Does homosexuality not displease our God?”

And this is what I responded:

“Dear friend,

First of all I am not a minister and a teacher among Christian people anymore. Second I am sorry to disappointing you but I won’t answer any of your questions, because that is not my call, not even what I would do with my life: trying to prove the I am right or you are wrong. My call is to love everybody without judging, and why I cannot judge because I cannot understand their lives, their journeys, neither their walks.

I hope that before you send me this small message, you gave yourself time to think about my own journey, my own tears that I have shed, and my own life. I hope that before you send this message you gave yourself time to ask your pastor, who is a friend, and who has walked besides me. I hope you gave yourself time to talk to my ex-wife who is my best friend now and listen to her story. I hope you gave yourself the opportunity to listen to someone who is gay; and I also hope you can live out all the Bible as a whole, and not only try to live one verse.

If we have not have coffee, eat together, pray together, and cry together in more than a year. If we do not know each other besides the world of facebook, what were you trying to accomplish by sending me a message who sounded very self-righteousness? There are so many people who have been with me in the good and the bad moments, those are the ones who can ask me for an explanation, but most of the time they do not ask for one.

Blessings to you and your family and Merry Christmas, and next time you want to ask someone something like that invite him/her to a coffee and listen to their stories first.

May the Christ of Love fill your life in this season.”

A couple of days ago another friend was making fun of the “faggies”, and even though I was very upset inside of me I was not able to say anything because, believe it or not, I am still afraid of people’s responses to the issue. Living 39 years in secrecy, it is not so easy deal to overcome.

Honestly because I consider myself a bohemian and a very sensitive person, when I hear, read, or receive messages referring badly about the LGTBQ community, they are like arrows going through my heart. It feels like a boxing hit into the guts taking my breath away, and knocking me down unconsciously.  Another friend was saying that sometimes teenagers joke about being “gay” just to be cool around their peers; and to that I wondered who would joke with something like that knowing you could be bullied, beaten, ridiculed, fired from his/her job, rejected from your own family, and even killed just for the fun to call yourself “gay”? Come on!! This is not just a game, or a joke, this is LIFE!

The most recent one is a status I read in facebook (yes again!, He was a person I added and became my facebook “friend”) from an immigrant Latino student who was sharing to his friends his hate to the “faggs”, and his homophobia. My response to him was very similar to the other ones, but when I finished writing this small message, I just started to cry. There was a big pain in my heart, not because I felt victimized, but if I am going to be fighting for the rights of undocumented students, we should join hands to fight for each other instead of having so much hate. I do not want to be part of a hate culture, I want to stand against that so “me” culture and believe in the “we” culture.

“Too bad you “hate” fags as you have said. I do not understand how people can be in support of the Dream act but not be in support of the rights of everybody? Very hateful comments in your profile and I would not have friends in facebook who talk so much garbage about others. I am a proud member of the LGTBQ community because it took me many years to be able to come into my senses and realize that I am as human as everybody else.

So my call in life is to support the cause of all the people, to be able to restore human dignity and establish social justice wherever I am with undocumented workers, students, Muslims, Buddhist, gays and everybody who is part of this wonderful society.

It totally breaks my heart to know that I have given my time to support the rights of the Dreamers, and to hear students referred so horrible about the LGTBQ community. I hope you may find the justice you are looking for”.

And to this I will say to myself: AMEN, knowingly that I am giving birth to a new passion in mine that excites me, but at the same time scares me so much. Heller Keller said,  “Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained”.


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