Complexity


When we think we know ourselves, we realized that in reality, we do not know ourselves a lot. The darkest of our soul becomes present the moment we illuminated the deepest corner of ourselves. This happens because the more we know about the labyrinths of our hearth, the more we get lost in them. It is a continuous path of illumination and darkness, of finding and loosing it again, on thinking we know it all without even knowing a little bit of what we thought we knew. This is the complexity of being a human being. For centuries men have tried to understand each other through scientific methods, philosophies, and religions, but after thousands of years we are still trying to understand the magnitude of who we are.

In this self-searching of myself, I have to encounter many moment of pain; it is unavoidable. Some people will hide their pain for many years, and then at end of their lives they realized that their painful memories never left. Others will place masks and pretend there is no pain, and then suddenly their lives collapse and they do not even know what had happened. In my own journey, I have encountered pain in their many manifestations, and I know that probably I will get to know more about it. I have been very curious to know more about this feeling that bits me constantly like a vampire taking away the life within myself.

I tried for many years to build my own Babel tower, a place that would take me to a very secure place. Building a strong marriage, a stable ministry as a protestant pastor, and in good standing with the community I was living at. But that tower started to break down the moment I liberated my soul, and brought into the light the person God intended for me to be since the beginning. This person breaks all the standard models of Babel. In order to become this new entity, I needed to destroy everything I once built, and start constructing a new self, or in better words, a true self. In order to do so, I needed to acknowledge the bitter pain I had towards the institutional church, the many years I gave myself to them, the rejection I felt from their lack of knowledge towards my personal decision in life, and the abandonment, I found myself, when I realized that the tower was being disintegrated. I cannot deny I have been angry, and confused from their silent, or even from their lack of support for me to be a free person. When did my freedom become the opposite of holiness?.

But without pain there is not healing, and through these darkest moments, I have met and still meeting people that without really know me a lot, they have believed in my journey, and in a way they are willing to help me rebuild my new self.(and of course I have never forgotten those friends who has stood beside me even before I was unchained) A self that understand that being free to be myself, even though has been costly, it has been worth all the pain, rejection, silence, and back stabbing.

Because of this reason, I would like to publish my book, The Way of Simplicity, in order to encourage others who are afraid to be themselves to step out and taste the sweetness of what freedoms brings, it is costly, Yes! indeed it is, but it will be worth it. Then may be we will keep trying to understand more, and more about the greatest gift we can ever have: our life.

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