Once we have been hurt, as human beings is really hard to forget even though we have forgiven. Many people think that you have not really forgive unless you are willing to forget. I see it this way, if I break my leg and I get healed, I will always remember the pain that the broken leg produced even though years have passed. Time heals the hurt but not the memory. To be able to do that I will have to brainwashed myself or totally erase all past memories. So forgive does not take away the pain, but release us from the chains and expectations we placed in others, and help us move forth in our life’s journey.
I really do not know if I have the capacity to totally forget the hurtful incidents in my life; Christ teaches me to forgive, but He never said that I needed to forget. Not being able to forget is the remainder of my humanity while forgiveness is the capacity to live and practice the higher teachings of the One I have decided to follow. Not being able to forget helps to continually examine my heart and motives to see if I am doing things because I have a desire and passion to do it, or because I would like to please somebody else. To forgive is only the attitude I need to practice in order to release what the actions or words of others do to my emotional sanity.
I know I have hurt many people through out my life, and I will hurt many more because I will always fail to the expectations they have about me and vice versa. But we need conscientiously to realize of our hurt and anger, and never denied it. This will help us to eventually be healed, for some that will happen in a couple of months; from others it will take a life time. Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh says “When you get angry with someone, please don’t pretend that you are not angry. Don’t pretend that you don’t suffer. If the other person is dear to you, then you have to confess that you are angry, and that you suffer. When you are angry, and you suffer, please go back and inspect very deeply the content, the nature of your perceptions. If you are capable of removing he wrong perceptions, peace and happiness will be restored in you, and you will be able to love the other person again”.
In conclusion not being able to forget is a way to be healed, not a stumbling block to forgive, or like my brother Jose Maria said, “If we are able to forgive but not to forget, then we will be able not to do to others what we were able to forgive.”