Still trying to find my writing!!


It has been a while since the last time I wrote something; honestly I don’t even know if I will be writing again especially because my way of thinking is changing, literally, every hour. I am not saying with this that I am a double minded person, not at all. What I am saying here, is that my doctrinal theology and personal thinking is been transformed by the hour. A good friend described as a new skin being shed off from me and the new one is coming out. Similar to the process the snake’ skin goes through. Another friend told me that I am changing 1000%. Three weeks ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism meaning that my thyroid is not producing the hormone necessary to help me with my everyday activities; its symptoms are lack of concentration and memory, muscular pain, tiredness and even depression, so I was placed into treatment, that according to my doctor it will last until the day I die. Honestly I thought I was becoming mad and that all my traumas and memories of my past were embraced me, because some days I would like to erase my past, but at the same time I am reminded that wherever I am as person today is because of what I have been in the past. But then I realized that erasing the past will also erase the present; and how can I re-write the present without changing the past? Is the present a pure reflection of the things I have done or am I writing a new present every day that passes? Am I the same person yesterday and today? How can I? If I am changing every day and my thoughts are being matured, how come the past is a valid reflection of what I am now as a person? I can not change the past because it has been already lived, I can not try to change the future because it hasn’t arrived yet, so how can I live without the present and future and still be changing? The true is that we live in the past and we would like to change our future, but we completely forget of our present, and the reality is that the present makes the past and the future and we don’t even realize it. We live focusing our attention on the things we would like to become, we regret the moments we were, but do not even enjoy what we are, and I am whom I am now, I can not be what I was, not even what I will become.

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