What did I do wrong?


Last night I received the news that the family that started with us this crazy journey to establish a bilingual community is leaving with no motive whatsoever. It is not just “a family”, these are my brother, sister and nieces. We have seen their girls growing up, we were with them in the hospital(for almost 12 hours) when the youngest was born. They call us “tio and tia”(Uncle and aunt in Spanish). We have shared our failures, frustrations, and brokenness with them. Last night I felt like my sibling was telling me that he didn’t want to be part of my family anymore. They left leaving behind the strong aroma of their friendship, and may be…… the smell of my failure as a friend.

When I face “failure” is when I feel in the lowest stage in my life. Failure is like a shotgun into the deepest of my soul, and destroys the little self-confidence I was building. This is exactly the problem I face, as a person who wants to minister out of his brokenness and weakness, trying to build my own self-confidence through what others think about me. If is like every time a person tells me what a great job I am doing there is something in me that stands up; but when someone rejects me, something inside of me falls down. If I want to keep being a pastor that ministers out of his emptiness and vulnerability I have to believe that my self-confidence doesn’t come from what others think what I should be; but of the simple fact that I am loved. If I could truly believe in my belovedness, my life will totally change. But to be honest I will still ask to myself why my friends left the community of Connection, and I will continue to struggle with my humanity asking: what did I do wrong?……

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2 thoughts on “What did I do wrong?

Add yours

  1. Keep sharing your heart brother—this will reach the broken!

    It may take God moving others to move you to where you need to be?

    Your friend,
    brian

  2. Miguel,
    Maybe you are asking the wrong question! I think you need to ask youself, “What did I do right?”
    Blessings,
    Barbara

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