The Way of Simplicity

When we are willing to take the way of simplicity, we open ourselves to a different life style. A life where we can be open to re-think what we have learned, to go deeper in every teaching we have had and open it to our humanity, so in that rawness, we can learn.

When we do this, suddenly we realized that all our formal concepts of what we thought a “Christian”should be or act are shattered; we are shattered without repair. Then we start the difficult journey of openness and vulnerability. Most of us prefer to live under the structural way of the law and religion, because life could be controlled, directed and take it to wherever we would like to go.

But since the church history there has been people who have decided not to take the way of the law, but the way of openness and vulnerability like Francis of Assisi, Theresa de Avila, Thomas Aquinas, Augustine, John of the Cross, and many more. It is not a life of financial prosperity, but inner richness in Christ’s cross. It is a way to show ourselves naked in front of everybody else, no hiding anything, not being ashamed of anything because, we just have to remember that we are human beings. Henry Nouwen says, “The way we see other people is usually the way we see ourselves. If we make peace with our flawed humanity and have embraced our ragamuffin identity, we are able to tolerate in others what was previously unacceptable in ourselves”.

This way of openness and vulnerability helps me to connect with others, helps me to share my nakedness with my brother and then realized that may be I have more things in common with him. It is not about growing up according to the standards of our society, but it is about growing down according to the loving and acceptance thoughts of God and our inner love. It is not about knowing all, but knowing we are loved.

When we are shattered and open, we will ended up going to places where we did not want to go, think the way we did not want to think and embrace those who we though did not have a space in our home, in our heart. This is what I called The Way of Simplicity, a journey of religious detoxification so I can start walking a new spirituality where God grace is poured out to all, where His love touches all, where nobody stays outside because of their religion, gender, lifestyle (gay, straight) ideology, legal status or close mindedness. This way is not about being liberal or conservative, it is not about being open or close minded, it is not about being Republican or Democrat; it is about being just ourselves realizing that before all our titles and group affiliations, we are just inhabitants of the same home. When we accept this, then life is not about being sinless, it is not about “us”and “them”, but about accepting the most wonderful thing we were given: our humanity.

“What is most intimate is also what frightens us most. Where we are most ourselves, we are often strangers to ourselves. That is the painful part of being human…The mystery of the spiritual life is that Jesus desires to meet us in the seclusion of our own heart, to make his love known to us there, to free us from our fears and to make our deepest self known to us” (Nouwen)

Facing My Greatest Fear

“When Christ said: “I was hungry and you fed me,” he didn’t mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that’s real hunger.”–Mother Thersa

I do not know what is worst, the uncertainty of my life and future or the loneliness I feel every  day. Henry Nouwen in his book reaching out states that we need to move from loneliness to solitude, when he said, “The movement from loneliness to solitude can make it possible to convert slowly our fearful reactions into a loving response”. Facing my fears it is something I have been doing for many years in the continuous search of an identity that will freed me to be myself; but facing myself in this loneliness that suffocates me is something totally new for me and honestly I do not know how to deal with it. I feel like I am mentally paralyzed, my body wants to keep going, my emotions are as high as they can be, my will is moving forward grabbing every strength that is found in this new journey; but loneliness is making his way deep into my being. For the first time, in many years, I miss my family. For Nouwen this paralysis could be an “invitation to search for deeper sources of vitality….then our life would indeed be a different life because then fate becomes opportunity and wounds a warning”.

So, How do I move from loneliness to solitude?, and how do I take advantage of these space of emptiness in my life?. I wish God will be like a lamp genius, so I can come to Him and get my 3 wishes, but then I will realized that facing myself will be a continuous life exercise and it does not matter if I have the ideal job, the greatest ministry and many friends. I have to face, eventually, my true self and one of my greatest fears: being alone.

Personal God, really?

I have always wondered when did Jesus decided to establish a “sinners prayers” in order to become one of his follower or when he crated the steps to follow for the way of salvation, better known as “The Roman’s Road”. He never had Bible is his hands, so he could never started that or created those steps in order to go from darkness into life. I just can not see myself going from totally darkness, to totally light after following the Roman’s road, pray the prayer and ZAZ!! you are instantly  becoming a follower of Christ. If I believe that this prayer will be a standard thing to do in order to become a believer, what kind of “personal” god am I believing in? It won’t be personal the moment I follow what others have done. Nobody has ever walked or will ever walk the same road I have done; because nobody could walk in the same shoes I have walked, live the same experiences, battle the same struggles or even see life the way I see it. I have been taught that I am very unique, because there is no other person like me in the entire world; so if I am unique, how come do I have to find God the same way others have? I thought God is more into a personal relationship. So again, if is personal why a prayer or a road has to be standardized for everybody else? If this is my own journey that does not mean I cannot learn from others, I mean from everybody else. Of course I can but at the end it will be my own personal road to walk. Sometimes we are more worry about this “new” people in the faith on how they need to behave, act, and practice “Christianity” that we steal from them the free space to find their own journey and walk their own steps. “This conversion is an inner event that cannot be manipulated but must develop from within. We cannot force anyone to such a personal and intimate change of heart, but we can offer the space where such a change can take place” (Nouwen). In doing so we can let people find their true self by abiding in that higher power called God, Abba, Allah or through out their interaction with others; knowing that every experience will be different. It could be in silence, with contemporary music, with hymns, in church or outside of it, at Sunday school or hanging out and drinking beer with friends, in ancient traditions or modern beliefs.

In the same way I create a welcoming place in my house for everybody to come and be themselves our places where faith is taught need to free spaces to find our personal encounter with spirituality. In my case I teach Christ but by not means I will ask you to change in order to come an fellowship with us, or expect for you to change after coming for a couple of days and listen to the teachings. That is your journey, your walk, your own steps, and do not let anybody tell you how to walk, if they do so, then it wont be a personal but a collective god. My father has eight children and we, each one of us, relate with him differently. When teaching about having a personal relationship with God, let us start living and practice what we taught and let people feel free to find their own journey.

“The real host is the one who offers that space where we do not have to be afraid and where we can listen to our inner voices and find our own personal way of being human. It means inviting the stranger into our world on his or her terms, not ours” (Nouwen)

Never Turn my Back

I have walked a thousands miles
I wake walked as fasted I could
and I have raised my precious self to be a man

I have walked up and down
I have wonder from place to place
I have raised my weary hand to my faith

but I would never turn my back on your love

Is there anybody there who knows me?
Is there anybody there who knows me now?
that I will be home soon

but I will never turn my back on your love

when the sun is going down
there are colors against the sky
I have seen my hometown in your eyes

but I will never turn my back,
yes I am learning to face the facts,
yes I will never turn my back on your love.

I hear this song sung by Lila Downs this morning and it reflected exactly the journey I am walking now. A very uncertain one, but I will say that even though I do not know where I am heading; finally I have accepted my life as a precious gift. I have wondered for many years in empty lots where my insecurities filled these lands and made of my walk, a struggle. I have lived believing that I was living a lie, when in reality, the true lie was not being able to come in good terms with my self. I have fought many battles trying to overcome the “sin” that was killing me. But the real “sin” here was trying to be the person everybody wanted me to be, the “believer” others want me to portrayed, the mask I was trying to wear; but it never belong to me. The “sin” here was not believing that I was already loved the way I was, I am or I will be. Period, no more.

With this little strength I have left from all the many battles I have fought in my 39 years of existence in this land, I am raising myself, crawling out from the hole of nonacceptance and denying, and grabbing everything I can to keep moving upward, “raising my precious self to be a man”.

Besides what others say about me, besides what people talk and judge, besides the moral standards I am breaking, if there is any, besides loneliness, or feelings of inadequacy,besides rejection and judgment; I will never turn my back on His love.

That is right ! You have not misread my words, His love is more real than before. My faith has deepened, “I have raised my weary hand to my faith”. I have found God, a more real god through out the contemplation of nature, in the streets of my local community, in the words, doubts, many questions, and even silence of my friends, in the long journey of my family to find their contribution in this land, in the freewrite group where I am just a simple writer–no races, no lifestyles, no ages–, in yumming and drumming in the hills of Tennessee under the full moon blessed by the great hospitality of Change (that was his name), the host, in the crucifix where I can be reminded of his suffering love, in my own battles of self-esteem, in loneliness, in crowdedness, in the empty of my soul, in the fullness of my spirit, in facing my insecurities as a pastor who is in constant reminder that before my faith, there is my humanity; in loving Paula as one of the best gifts I will ever received, in listening to the heart’s story of my sister Patricia and seat besides her to hold her pain in my heart and for the first time trying to understand her heart, to befriend a gay community that is starving for some kind of spirituality, but not the one that judges or wants for them to convert, but the one that loves. To find God while I am siting at Sweet Sallie’s and observe the faces, the smiles, the hands of every person who walks in. In the group of ladies that are sharing their tips on knitting, in having coffee with Jeff at Dolce Caffe or breakfast with John while we enjoy the good flavors of bacon; and he enjoys grits (I do not, sorry! I haven’t really understand this taste). In the inclusiveness environment of hippie Jack’s camp while drinking with all my Obama’s friends.In having dinner at the house of a very accepting female pastor and the craziness of her house, in putting together CARA-Cultural Awareness Alliance- and dream with cultural harmony, in having fun with the Hispanic children, in having fun with Beth while we created the funniest profile pictures in facebook, in having coffee with Andy and talk about our new friendship; and all these while I keep listening again and again the song that have inspired me to write this morning.

This is my spiritual life now, and I will never turn my back on His love.

How Open am I?

My question will be? Why do we do Vacation Bible School (VBS), just because it is a good program for the children? or because it is a good program for us to quite our desire to do more programs for God?….What if instead of VBS we do after school programs in summer for all these students from K-12 who do not have anything to do and create classes of music, arts, painting… Read More, writing, math tutoring etc…The 100 or more churches in Cookeville do VBS’s…oh come on!! are we being original and relevant? or are we just doing the same that we have done for the last 200 years and expecting the same results?….this is the definition of insanity. That is why at Connection we decided not to do what everybody else is doing. We are not using a summer curriculum with songs and puppets; we are using our own lives to give the children some fun and educational time. We have gone bowling, visited the Nashville’s Science Museum, we will go to The Knoxville Zoo, We will reinforced their Spanish etc, etc..ah in this will last for June, July and August. Not just a one week program but a whole month of time together.

And in this setting of newness, last night I went and shared the space of Tennessee country side to have a time under the moon to” yumm and drum” with a group of people who has decided to live a simpler life. A bunch of people got together with the drums to be united through music under the light of the full moon. The clouds in this clear night, were walking invading our space and creating a moment were our souls flew away to the presence of the Almighty (or any higher power that this could be) and be lost in the rhythms of the drum’s beat. There, under the moon, were Christians, Muslims, Atheist, Buddhist, Spiritualist, writers, engineers, and students.What a great image of inclusiveness and diversity!  We talked so much about this in the church but everything stays in words, in long weekends of training on how to be inclusive, but in our annual meeting(The Church annual meeting) we were voting to see if we were going to welcome homosexuals into our membership of the church…what a way to waste a whole weekend of inclusive training.And this is not all. So how can we talk about spiritual wholeness if we are not willing to change. Only through change we can grow.

Let’s stop doing things just for the sake of doing it, let’s become people who are known in their communities, living among all kinds of people, creating spaces of conversation where we, as followers of Christ, can we listen and learn from an atheist. To create spaces where children can grow and become a better human being open to everybody and welcoming everybody. Lets start teaching them inclusiveness and diversity not from what we give to them, but from what we are. Thoreau said, ” I would not have anyone adopt my model of living on any account; for, besides that before he has fairly learned it I may have found out another for myself, I desire that there may be as many different persons in the world as possible; but I would have each one be very careful to find out and pursue his own way, and one be very careful to find out and pursue his own way, and not his father’s or his mother’s or his neighbor’s instead” (Walden and Other Writings, P.65)