Archive for November, 2007

What did I do wrong?

Last night I received the news that the family that started with us this crazy journey to establish a bilingual community is leaving with no motive whatsoever. It is not just “a family”, these are my brother, sister and nieces. We have seen their girls growing up, we were with them in the hospital(for almost 12 hours) when the youngest was born. They call us “tio and tia”(Uncle and aunt in Spanish). We have shared our failures, frustrations, and brokenness with them. Last night I felt like my sibling was telling me that he didn’t want to be part of my family anymore. They left leaving behind the strong aroma of their friendship, and may be…… the smell of my failure as a friend.

When I face “failure” is when I feel in the lowest stage in my life. Failure is like a shotgun into the deepest of my soul, and destroys the little self-confidence I was building. This is exactly the problem I face, as a person who wants to minister out of his brokenness and weakness, trying to build my own self-confidence through what others think about me. If is like every time a person tells me what a great job I am doing there is something in me that stands up; but when someone rejects me, something inside of me falls down. If I want to keep being a pastor that ministers out of his emptiness and vulnerability I have to believe that my self-confidence doesn’t come from what others think what I should be; but of the simple fact that I am loved. If I could truly believe in my belovedness, my life will totally change. But to be honest I will still ask to myself why my friends left the community of Connection, and I will continue to struggle with my humanity asking: what did I do wrong?……

The aroma of good friendship

A good friend is someone, that knowing even the worst of the worst about yourself, still loves you, who can tell you with a truthful heart the areas you need to improve, someone who believes in you even when you have stop believing in yourself, but most of all is someone who recognize his brokenness before Abba and knows that he needs my friendship the same way I need his. Today I smelled one more time the aroma of a good friend. I am amazed how God has allowed me to have these friends whom I can have different aromas and flavors; four men that has helped me in this journey. With Jeff I can dream and be youthful, with John I can be practical and make good decisions, with Tom I am loved as a son, and with Don I see the Spirit moving, and I can believe again in what Abba has for me. Four flavors different aromas, but each one of them brings growth into my life. This was a cry in my heart for many years and I am thankful I can call them an be myself with them: weak, imperfect, stubborn. Today I met with Don and he told me something I want to share with you. Don is a person who loves to study the Word and he shared with me the two lessons he has learned from Grace:

1.- I can never do anything to earn God’s favor. I don’t have to do anything to earn God’s favor.
2.- Grace means that I never have an excuse to be less than the best I can be. Grace working in me can overcome any sin or weakness”


I know about the first one, but to be honest, the second one it is the hardest thing for me to believe. Most of the time I feel less, and not because I am humble, but because literately I feel less as a person, as a pastor, as a husband, as a friend. I feel that I am not worth enough to be wherever God wants me to be, so I struggle not only with sin in my life, but with not believing more on me so “I won’t have an excuse to be less than the best I can be”. This brings me to the 3 temptations Jesus had, explained by Henri Nouwen from his book “The Selfless Way of Christ”:

“The Temptation to be relevant, to do something that is needed and can be appreciated by people–to make productivity the basis of our ministry. This temptation is difficult to shake since it is usually not considered a temptation, but a call. We make ourselves believe that we are called to be productive, successful, and efficient people whose words and actions show that working for God’s Reign is at least as dignified an occupation as working for any other company.
The temptation to be spectacular
, to force God to respond to the unusual, the sensational, the extraordinary, the unheard of–and then to force people to believe. We have come to believe that a service is valuable when many attend, a protest or demonstration is worthwhile when television cameras are present, a study group is worth having when many want to be part of it, and a church is successful when many desires to become members. The more insecure, doubtful, and lonely we are, the greater our need for popularity and praise.
The temptation to be powerful, we can not imagine that any good can come from giving up power or not even desire it. Power can take many forms, but it is always the illusion that life is ours to dispose of.”

As pastors and ministers, as members of a congregation, as lay speakers, as District Superintendents and Bishops, as Elders or Local pastors we face these 3 temptations all the time, and we feel that our worth will come when we can fulfill these three areas, I know that I can felt into this very easily. Thinking that my worth as a person, pastor or husband will come from being relevant, spectacular and powerful. Thinking that unless I fulfill these three areas I am being productive. So when I measure myself with other ministries and congregation, when I see the long process to become an Elder or try to be myself with my fellow ministers, when the position of a pastor has such a high stigma and when being broken, vulnerable and powerless is not a general rule; that is when friends like Jeff, John, Don and Tom can remind you that the call you have is given by Abba and that I don’t have to do anything to earn God’s favor. My question to you will be: Do you have friends in you life where you can be spiritually naked and still know that you are loved? May the aroma of good friends fill your life in every step in your journey towards the cross.



The thorn..a remainder of His grace

The phrase “God hate the sin and love the sinner” is a very condemning phrase, how can the sinner be separated from the sin? I can not separate from sin, it is in my human nature. I can try to do everything I can to be separated it from me, but all my intentions are worthless. If I was able to separate from my sin then why do I needed a Saviour? If I was able to take away my sin so God can love me more, then why the need of Christ’s blood?God loves me the way I am, a sinner who do acts of sin. Brennan Manning will say, “Hatred of the impostor is actually self-hatred. The impostor and I constitute one person. Accepting the reality if our sinfulness means accepting our authentic self.”

I, Miguel, have a thorn who keep remained me about how week and how easily I can fall into believing what I don’t want to be. A thorn that was placed in me–not exactly why–but I know I will have to live with it until I see the face of Christ. My heart knows it belongs to Abba, my thorn pinches me and tortuous me taking me to believe in the impostor-a life of pretense–a wonderful, magnificent, incredible, joyful, without battles-life. But the Spirit of the Risen one keeps pulling me towards Abba, keeps reaching to my hands so I can hold it and be moved towards Him. Meanwhile the impostor in his need of acceptance, value, and self-worth keeps trying to convince me that I haven’t changed. That’s right I haven’t changed, I am still a sinner who sins; but His Spirit keeps speaking to my soul, to my spirit saying: my son, I love you just the way you are, I know you weakness, I know your heart. You are in my hands….

“Abba Father, it gives us joy to know that as Your children we can speak honestly with You any time, any place, under any circumstance. We don’t not have to wear masks but can come to you openly, dirty and ragged, with all our sins and brokenness. Thank you for Your all covering grace through Jesus Christ. Amen”
Brennan Manning

What’s your theological worldview?

I took this quiz, and this is me:

You scored as a Emergent/Postmodern
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don’t think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.
Emergent/Postmodern
79%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
68%
Neo orthodox
46%
Classical Liberal
46%
Reformed Evangelical
39%
Roman Catholic
29%
Charismatic/Pentecostal
25%
Modern Liberal
14%
Fundamentalist
11%

You are loved

It’s like someone’s calling out to me, only some of us can hear it.
August Rush

Paula and I went to see August Rush last night, a beautiful fairy tale about an orphan prodigy boy who has a wonderful gift on music. He knows his parents are out there and he knows that music will lead him to them. You know I feel like that with God-Abba, His music is calling me and only I can hear it. Only some will heart it. Why? because there is something inside telling me to seek Him, not because I am holier, not because I have all the answers, not because I know what to do; but because I want to hear His voice in my ear whispering: “you are loved”

“It is all around us, the only thing you have to do is listen”
(August Rush)

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